What if all my efforts to TRY so hard to move through this, and heal myself emotionally and spiritually is actually the very thing that’s holding me back?
What if that’s a very tricky way my ego has of flogging myself, of making myself wrong, of judging my feelings, emotions, and my pain as a way of denying them — a tricky way to suppress them — which I believe, is the actual root of all disease.
There’s a little segment in a Matt Kahn video that I have found really helpful in the past couple of months about this phenomena I think…
So here’s the thing, the old journey, when I set it up like this, ‘From Judgment to Gratitude’ you would think that means: “I have to learn how to be grateful all the time to out run, or out ravel the judgment.
“… But let’s just consider the fact, doesn’t it seem totally overwhelming and totally daunting to be someone who experiences any degree of judgment, and someone tells you: “well, in order for you to be out of the cycle of judgment you just gonna have to be grateful all the time” — doesn’t that just feel like the most impossible thing in the world? Of course!
“Because that is not actually the point, so I want to explain to you the point of this spiritual journey. It’s NOT that the one who’s in judgment is trying to inauthentically be grateful until the spooky kooky judgmental energy gets purged away — why is that not the way? Because to try to be grateful to chase the judgments out of town is maintaining a judgment against judgment.
“… People go: “How come the gratitude doesn’t work?” Because you’re trying to get rid of judgment with a bigger judgment.”
When you’re in the midst of your journey, judgment is a sign that healing is underway.”
This video clip above is starting at the 12:33 minute mark, so you can see the whole segment about judging judgements with an even bigger judgement, but the quotes I’ve highlighted start at about the 17:53 min mark.
The video is called “The End of the Old Paradigm” and it speaks to surrendering the fight emotionally; letting my fight (against the perceived reality of what is happening) die. If you’re interested, the whole video has been profoundly calming for me in terms of what we, the nation, and the world, are in the process of transcending now. You can watch the whole thing from the beginning here: http://youtu.be/914wnJ9O-wc
And, for those of us who cannot bless this mess yet, that’s OK, that just means our own hearts need to be blessed. We need only take the time to breathe. Breathe instead of fight, breathe instead of judge, breathe instead of accusing… So that we each are being one less person who is feeding the darkness that YOUR OWN light is here to resolve. Even that is a contribution. Breathe.
I’ll be over here trying to take my own advice.